I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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