Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
