Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize