But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
