As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just found a bag of teeth...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
