Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
