oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
A+ Viking dick
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
