there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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