I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
