Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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