I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
