Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
