i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
