If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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