I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
