I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
