Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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