she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
