We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
