Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
