so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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