walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize