So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
