we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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