I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
