My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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