I murdered the dance floor call the cops
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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