Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
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A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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