how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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