i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize