I wish I only lived at night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
