Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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