idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
