Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
this will be a night to untag.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
is that a dick in a sweater?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
