in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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