I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Randomize