sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
