so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
a search helicopter?!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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