People with herpes should wear stickers.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
