My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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