okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
