Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
