The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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