It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He shit in the fireplace
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
