How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
