Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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