Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
