Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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