I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
