She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
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I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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