everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
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