Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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