benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
