I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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