I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
