So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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