Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize