You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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