Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
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I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
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I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize